March 6, 2012 A letter from Darren to Brady about his dad Mel

I was reading an article today about a local Utah County company that began as a family business and now is a global trendsetter.  The Man who started the business from the basement of his home, died from cancer at 53 years old.  His then 34 year old son became CEO and took the reigns.  In the interview of the son it was clear that he honored his father immeasurably.  I felt a desire to be that way to my children and wondered what great things I could do to leave that kind of lasting impression on my children.  As I thought about my successful, yet small business, I realized that at least for now it wasn't going to be done through making a huge impact on a lot of people in business.  If that wasn't a good option then what could I do?

My next revealing thought I had was, "Hold on a minute, I think of my dad in that same way that the interviewed man thought of his!" Did my dad do grand things in business that left an impression on many  people.  Resoundingly yes, but in an entirely different way! Every person I have ever met that had any association with my dad in his work environments had something positive to say about what kind of a craftsman, and more importantly what kind of person, he was.  These were men whose opinions of a good craftsman meant something--they were craftsmen themselves--no one better to judge.  And the judgement of anyone "as a person" is only as good as the sum total of all the people they know.  Rightly so, the perfect Judge will make His perfect judgement at the final day, but for now the judgements of good people around us will have to suffice.

As I continued this thought process about my dad, the question wasn't what great things I could do in the terms of size, like I mistakenly first thought after reading the article.  Rather, I needed to think about my own dad and why he has left such a lasting impression on me.  It is that which I hereafter summarize.

Why Mel Hartvigsen has such a deep place in my heart and why I think of him everyday of my life:

Melvin Richard Hartvigsen (1927-1998) 

My Dad was: 

• Faithful: to God and my mom, who he had made temple covenants with.  I know he loved both of them and lived according to these covenants.  We are sealed in the temple as family.  Dad and Mom took us to church every Sunday and lived the gospel in our home.  Tithing, hometeaching, and magnifying church callings were always observed by them.
• Grateful: For the simplest things in life, which are the best indicators of a person true gratitude.  He loved the beauty of nature and marveled in it.  Sometimes I eat something and can picture the ravings Dad would have made about it.  When the only two financial investments I am aware that he ever made went bad, and neighbors who invested alongside of him in the same investments went good, there was never a word of recrimination toward them.
• Selfless: Dad would drop anything to help my siblings or me, or neighbors, or someone alongside the road.  I don't recall him ever saying that he "didn't have time" to do something he was asked or fill a need that presented itself.
• Educated: Dad knew a lot about everything.  Though a college education was not an option for him for whatever reason (probably financial) he was self-educated and he and mom made it clear that their expectations were always for each of their children to have a college degree.  Fortunately each of us do.
• Skilled: Dad could fix or build anything, and had the ingenuity and skills to do so.  This was likely born out of being raised as a child of the Great Depression and by his parents having a large family and a small income.  If I ever had a question about the way something worked or was, I knew dad would have the answer--and that was before the internet came around.
• Full of integrity: If he said he would do something, he did it.  He showed a consistent example throughout his life of doing the right thing.
• Loving: He loved people and always had or made time to have an unscheduled visit with someone he saw in the grocery store or anywhere else.  This wasn't a quick hello, but a real conversation.  As a child it could drive you crazy; I remember.  I am accused of the same thing now by my own children.  They will understand later, like I do now, that this is a mark of a great person who has time for others.  Dad sincerely cared for each individual he knew and gave them this time.
• Conservative of His Resources: He was careful what he spent and could get by with very little--especially for himself.
• A Family Man: There was no one more important to him than his family.  Though their must have been some occasions, I'm not aware of any time he spent with his innumerable friends on his own when a family member wasn't included.  That said, the vast majority of his time was spent with his family-only.
• Patient With Loved Ones: As a matter of fact I don't remember him ever being rushed at all.  Though in his younger years he may have been, I don't remember it.  When Brady was a baby and being held by Grandpa Mel, Brady couldn't speak yet but could point his small finger where he wanted to go.  He would point and Grandpa Mel would walk to wherever Brady directed them to go.  It could be to a flower, or a school bus, or morsel of food.  Dad loved children and Dad had time.
• A Listener: He quietly listened without rushing you or jumping to conclusions.  This was a sub-skill of his patience for people that is very admirable.
• Respectful of His Children: I remember doing something foolish when I was a teenager and being bailed out by Dad.  At that moment, and ever after there was not a word spoken of it.  Not once.  I knew what I had done and that was bad (or good) enough.  Nothing needed ever be spoken again.  This is a great lesson for me of showing respect to me as an individual.  If I had ever repeated the same mistake I assume we would have discussed it, but fortunately there wasn't a repetition of poor behavior--at least not the same poor behavior.

Part way through pondering my dad's overall influence in my life I had a sweet realization that brought tears to my eyes that today is in fact my Dad's birthday--March 6th.  That was a tender realization for me.

I thank Heavenly Father for a dad as good as my dad was to me.  I love my Heavenly Father as the Father of my spirit and I love Mel Hartvigsen as the father of my body.  Along with my angel mother, they have given me all the possibilities of success in this life and in the worlds to come.

Happy Birthday Dad; I love you!

Toons (Darren)